You Summoners, you ahhre so puuuuuny. Look at dees signup numbahs for zis veekend’s Featured Maaahtches. Zey are so puny.
“Oh no, I am a little gaaaahrly Summonah, I am so scared, I am Siiiilvah, and dees Plats, zey will crush me!” Oh, you are so scared of ze Platinum? Vhat about ze STEEL. Ja, my axe is STEEL TIER. Maybe you vant to lane against it instead.
In Noxus, ve have a saying about dees. Ja, is true. “First, ze High Command asks you to volunteeaah. Den, ze second time, zey axe you.”
Hear me today, and believe me tomorrow: sign up NAUW or I vill AXE AGAIN.
“But I don’t cahhhre, because ze CupcakeTrap, he is posting on GD instead of writing ze lore.” Don’t vorry — I vill give him a talking to, ja, und believe me, I am very convincing. I hear zat yordle fur, ist vehhry soft. Maybe I take CupcakeTrap, und I make nice soft boot linahs for Dahrius’s little gahhhrly boots. Oh, vhat’s that? You vill write ze lore tonight? Okay. You bettah. Und zese Summonahs over here, zey had better sign up for ze Featured Matches.
—Sion
Caitlyn, you monster.
FACTIONS 
[…] More to come Soon™. To start with, here’s Demacia’s section of the epilogue, in current draft form. It follows after Secrets of Shurima. I hope it tides you over for another day, and keeps Sion from turning me into boot-liner. […]
Ha, Classic Sion.
Wait… but… he doesn’t AHHHNOLD anymore…
GG….
Presumably a side effect of the Void invasion.