January 14-15 Featured Matches

Intermission Arrives!

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With Arc IX ending tonight, January 9, intermission will soon begin. Arc X will begin in 2 weeks, giving us a short break between story lines. So, after blasting the last few hours of the arc with a million games to make sure your faction wins, you can take a breather and enjoy the sweet sweet candy that is intermission featured matches.

Here are the current Intermission Rosters we’ll be using for these intermission games.

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January 14 – Noxus vs Piltover

January 15 – The Freljord vs Zaun

January 14 – Noxus vs Piltover

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Ezreal fell face first into the mud. He tried to push himself up with his hand, but it just slipped against the slick mud and he fell down again. He pulled himself onto his knees and tried to wipe the mud off his face with his hands, but they were just as caked in mud as his face.

Vi turned around and grunted with frustration, “Princess, stop playing pig and get moving. This mission has a time limit on it you know.”

Ezreal glared at her; he imagined shooting an arcane bolt right into her face. Ezreal sighed, he would never have the guts to actually do that. “Why is the mission time sensitive?”

“Didn’t bother asking.”

“And how much time do we have?”

“I don’t think even Cait knew that.”

“And where exactly are we going?”

Vi pointed a finger of her hextech gauntlets in the direction they were walking, “That way.”

Ezreal stood up on his feet, “I think already know the answer to this, but I’ll ask it anyway. What are we going to be doing on this mission?”

Vi pointed the finger again, “We’re going over there.”

“And what will we do when we get wherever that is?”

“That’s classified.”

Ezreal shook his hands in an attempt to shake off the mud. “How are we supposed to complete a mission if we don’t even know what we’re supposed to do?”

“Oh we know what we’re doing. It’s just you that doesn’t know.”

Ezreal turned around to the company following them. He and Vi were joined by a couple of people who he assumed were scientists of some kind, and several Piltovian riflemen. The scientist closest to him nodded in response to Vi’s statement, confirming they all knew exactly what was going on.

Mud fell off of Ezreal’s hair and landed over his eyes. He wiped it away until he could open his eyes again. “And WHY am I the only one who isn’t allowed to know jack about anything?

Vi turned away from Ezreal and started to continue walking down their previous path, “Cait said everything about this mission is on a need to know basis. And it’s clear that you don’t need to know. You’d start spilling your guts the second a poro shot you a half menacing look, Princess.”

“What the hell Vi? I -”

“That’s right, you don’t need to know. The theoretical extradimensional physicists from back in the lab need to know; the riflemen need to know; the science geeks need to know; the entire Piltovian police force needs to know; even that random drunk I ran into on the street before we left needs to know. But you, you don’t need to know: security risk.”

Ezreal clenched his fist so hard it shook. “One of these days, Vi, I’m gonna -”

Vi moved her hand to resemble a mouth talking, “Blah-blah-blah. I’m going to have to order you to stop talking. Can’t risk you giving away our position.”

Ezreal motioned his arms towards the empty swamp land they were trudging through, “We’re the only people around for miles.”

“Hey, muzzle it! Don’t make me have to smash your jaw shut.”

Ezreal grumbled under his breath. He knew Vi was making an empty threat, but the image of getting punched so hard by those gaunlets that his entire lower jaw got ripped from his head kept running through his head.

They walked the rest of trip in silence, until at last Vi stopped at a small swamp with a massive boulder resting in the center. “Alright, you two start taking your measurements, but try to be quick.” She turned to Ezreal, “And you, Princess, go watch the perimeter… or something. Just make sure you can’t see anything that we do here.”

“You’re seriously not going to -”

“Hey! What did I say about you talking? Shut it and get moving.”

Ezreal mumbled incoherently and walked away from the swamp with the boulder. He really, really hated that woman.

After reaching the point where if he turned back Ezreal couldn’t see the boulder, he sat down on a rock. He grabbed a stick off the ground and started poking it into the mud. “Stupid jerk with…fat hands. I wish those Icathians would kidnap her and…” Ezreal shuddered as he started to remember some of the nightmares he witnessed while fighting off the voidspawn in the Battle of ShurimaOk, that I wouldn’t wish on even her. But one of these days I’m going to shut up her fat mouth.

Ezreal heard the sound of metal clashing together. “What the hell are those guys doing over there?” He continued poking his stick into the ground. Ezreal jumped as he heard an explosion behind him. He wasn’t sure if that was supposed to happen, or if something had gone wrong and they needed his help. Stupid Vi, this is why you have to tell me stuff.

A few minutes later he heard shouting and rifle fire. Ezreal started sprinting back to the swamp he left Vi and the company at. “Oh crap, oooh crap.”

He arrived at the scene to find the two scientist bodies covered in blood, lying lifeless on the mud. The riflemen had lined up and were trying to take aim at several Noxian soldiers Vi was struggling to hold back.

Ezreal started letting loose one arcane bolt after another. Vi looked up from the Noxian she was holding with one hand, and punching in the face with the other; several teeth fell from this mouth. She dropped the unconscious soldier and moved onto the next closest Noxian. “Sorry Princess, did our fight interrupt your mud bath?”

Ezreal shot a Noxian through the chest that was sneaking up behind Vi as she was trying block the blows from the axe of another soldier. “Well, if someone hadn’t sent me away I would have been here when the fighting started.”

Vi sent a powerful punch straight into the Noxian’s chest, sending him flying backwards, and jumped on another that was attempting to rush past her to get to Ezreal and the riflemen. She pinned him to the ground and started pounding on his head, “I told you to watch our perimeter. And guess what the Noxians had to cross in order to get to us: THE PERIMETER!”

Ezreal sent a blast into the base of a tree, causing it to fall down directly atop several enemy soldiers. “Are you seriously acting like that was a legit job you assigned me to?”

Vi caught an axe swinging down at her in her gauntlet; she squeezed it, crushing the blade into ball. “You’re dam right it was a job, and you screwed up royally. But what else should I have expected from a little princess?”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” Ezreal took aim at yet another soldier, but right before he let loose the bolt a bright light began glowing, blinding him. The bolt fired, and instead of striking its intended target, the Noxian, it hit Vi in the back. She fell to the ground and the Noxians moved in a circle around her.

One of the soldiers shouted at the rest, “What the blazes are you doing? Let’s get the hell out of here.” They looked up at the source of the glowing light and ran off.

Vi struggled to get back up onto her feat, “First, you’re little magic blaster thingy sure packs quite a punch, nice stuff. Second, WHAT IN THE HELL WHERE YOU DOING? I’m going to rip out your guts and feed them back to you. But not through your mouth, their going straight up your-”

Vi stopped as she looked at the source of the glowing light. Ezreal turned his head as well, it was a summoner’s incoming teleport spell; looked like they were about to get paid a visit by the League.

Vi pushed Ezreal back and started shouting to the  riflemen, “Grab those scientist and get running.”

“What’s the big deal? The Noxians attacked us; the league should be on our side.”

“Listen princess, I don’t have time to explain anything. Just get your butt moving. We need to scram before anyone is able to witness that we are here.”

The next day, back at Piltover, Ezreal waited outside a closed door meeting between the mayor, Caitlyn, and Vi. He kept pacing outside the door. Finally, Vi existed the room. Though it appeared Caitlyn and the mayor were continuing their conversation without her.

She put her hands on hips and looked down at the floor, “This isn’t good. We’re trying to set up an alibi with the League, but Noxus is trying to screw it up for us. Those dead Noxian soldiers we left on the ground proves they were at the scene just before the League showed up. But seems they think they can blame it on us.”

“Seriously, Vi, what’s going on here? Why is everyone so afraid of getting caught anywhere near… whatever that thing was?”

“It’s not just where we were; it’s also when we were there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Look, the fact that we didn’t tell you anything turns out to be a good thing now, for you at least; Gives you probable deniability. The less you know about this the better.” She pointed a finger at him, “The only thing you need to worry about is we’ve got a league match against Noxus; supposed to help establish our alibi.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense. How does a league match prove we weren’t somewhere?”

“Once again, the less you know the better off you are. Let’s just say if they win they’ll have the ammo they need to shoot our cover-up story to shreds.”

January 15 – The Freljord vs Zaun

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Grab a mug and have a chug! ‘Til you pass out and wake back up! Then take a cask and down it fast! Then chug another glass!

Gragas was singing his favorite drinking song while downing a keg. The only problem was he wasn’t at a tavern, but in the middle of the main lobby of the Institute of War. “Hahahaha, where’s the next round?” The giant drunk stumbled over to a wine barrel he had previously set down next to the back wall.

He grasped the barrel with both hands, but tripped while trying to lift it up from the ground. He waved his arms through the air while trying to regain his balance. Finally he spun around and fell back first into the wall.

The brick and mortar gave way as his mass collided with the stone, the wall crumbled down. After the bricks fell down the room behind was revealed, with several Zaunite scientists operating a large machine inside.

Gragas reached his arms towards the barrel as he laid atop the rubble of the wall he destroyed, “Come here, beautiful. Can’t get up unless I down you first. Haha-ha” He could barely reach the barrel, and struggled to get his fingers on it. The barrel fell over and the wine started spilling all over the ground. “Oh boy, I sure do have a drinking problem: I just ran out of drink! Ha-ha!”

Sparks flew out of the Zaunite machine as the wine started pooling around it. The scientists’ eyes grew wide, “SHE’S GONNA BLOW!” They ran away as fast as their feet would carry them.

A wave of energy shot out in all directions and purple beams of light…ricocheted off the stone floors and walls. Yellow smoke emanated from the machine that broke perfectly symmetrically in half vertically.

Gragas’s face was covered in ash and soot, “Oh boy, guess I must have gas. Oh yeah, more of it’s coming now.” He let out a massive belch, which released visible, blue vapor from his mouth. “Never been able to do that before; what’s in this drink anyway?”

Representatives from the Freljord and Zaun convened in an emergency meeting later that day.

A Zaunite lawyer pointed a finger at Ashe, “An official Freljordian champion destroyed Institute property, in this case literally the Institute itself, sabotaged a one of a kind masterpiece of Zaunite ingenuity, and destroyed the Arventine Gemstone from the League’s vaults, which we were given permission to study. Stop wasting everyone’s time pointlessly trying to deny it; there were hundreds of witnesses.”

Ashe slammed her open palm onto the table and stood up, “Don’t try to play innocent. I saw the report on the league granting you permission to study the gemstone. You were only supposed to be taking energy readings, and while under strict supervision of a league official. I wonder how many pockets you had to stuff to get your minions alone in a room with it and a machine doing god knows what to the gem.”

The lawyer stood up, matching Ashe’s stance, “I don’t like what you are insinuating. Zaun would never violate the terms of its agreement with the League on its study of the gemstone. Our device was just there to take the energy measurements we were granted permission to. You’re going to pay for the damage you caused.”

“Don’t make me laugh. I’ve seen your energy measurement devices, they fit in the palm of your hand. That thing took up an entire room. You endangered everyone’s lives at the institute when you started turned that monstrosity on. And don’t you image it would take more to bring down a structurally sound stone wall than one large man falling on it? Best I can tell, whatever you were doing in there must have been causing damage to the institute structure. You could’ve brought down the entire building!”

The Zaunite lawyer slammed a fist on the table, “Your joking right? These claims are getting absolutely absurd. From what I can tell its pointless to continue with these discussions with you. We’ll be sending a motion to Kolminye that a full investigation be launched into the matter. When it is finished I am certain it will show with absolute certainty that your drunken buffoon is entirely at fault for the incident.”

Ashe glared at the lawyer, “And that investigation wouldn’t happen to be Zaunite led would it? I will not let you further disgrace this institute with your continuing lies. I’ve already put a motion forward to have an investigation into the matter. However this one will not be a corrupt group of Zaunites looking to cover up their own blunders.”

“Oh please, spare me the self-righteous speech; no one is buying it. And who would be leading your investigation, hmm? No doubt a group of Freljordians hand picked by you to do nothing but clear yourselves of all blame. Your guilty of everything your accusing us of.” The lawyer started packing up is papers into his bag, “If you really insist in pushing forward your opposing motion against ours, then it seems most likely we’ll be settling this on the fields. In which case our record speaks for itself and your just setting yourself up for further humiliation.”

Ashe moved for the door, “Your overconfidence will only make our victory that much easier.”

“We shall see.”

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